


Habits

by double_negative



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 08:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6747358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/double_negative/pseuds/double_negative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isa picks up a habit.<br/>Tohri does not approve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Habits

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on a fanart which source I don't really know and can't find, so I won't link to it for now.

\- Isa Souma, you smoke?

Tohri's voice is shrill and grating as always, immidiately diverting all Isa's attention to the brightly-dressed man, tearing him out of his thoughts. He was standing outside the lab, ducked behind the fire escape, a lit cigarette in his fingers. Just... reminiscing, until Tohri arrived to bother him again.

Isa just finished a project, only some paperwork left to fill out until it's filed away as another accomplishment on his part, but this time it's all different. It was Ryuuji's name all over the documents that forced him to flee his work place, the abundance of notes left by Ryuuji's hands that needed to be reprinted and put in order before he can be done. It was a huge thing, an important discovery for many scientific fields, but Isa could care less about that. The usual joy from doing something important and interesting was long gone. In fact, from what he felt he was sure he was supposed to cry, but he couldn't remember the last time he cried and wasn't sure he was even able to. So he took another drag from hi cigarette, allowing Tohri's loud voice to take place of his grim thoughts.

\- Are you even old enough to buy these?

He's not and Tohri knows that. But that doesn't matter if you know where to look. In fact, the only thing that matters to Isa is that it was supposed here and now to be two of them and Tohri is interfering. That was supposed to be their achievement, their triumph, his and Ryuujis, but now Ryuuji is dead and with completing this research Isa is sure to take his place as a Head of the Biology Division. And then even his title would remind him, every day about what he had lost. Maybe Tohri is here because he heard of his promotion... Isa would gladly give his place to Tohri if he could, but for now he could only hear him gloat.

\- You know they're bad for you! If they get you before my magnificent plan does, what am I supposed to do? I'm not wasting all that!

Isa just shrugged. Tohri was always like this, spouting some nonsense about being his fated nemesis and all and the closer his promotion, the louder the man became. Even if Tohri is going to kill him one day, however ridiculous that sounds, Isa wouldn't care. He's finished his work. There's nothing more in life for Isa once he files all the papers proper. No friends or family, no plans or ambitions. Nothing.

Tohri dances around him, trying to get Isa to speak, obviously peeved by his silence. Offensive colors blur the edges of Isa's vision until Tohri suddenly stops dead in his track, a small smile on his lips.

\- Ryuuji used to smoke.

And all Isa could do is nod.

Ryuuji would sneak outside the lab and return smelling of smoke. Isa never caught him in the act, but he imagined his strong calloused fingers on a cigarette, his eversmiling lips closing around it to take a drag and puff out a little white cloud. The image was so vibrant, almost alive. The smell of smoke lingered in Ryuuji's messy hair, mingling with the smell of coffee and laundry detergent that always followed Ryuuji. Isa's thoughts always gravitated to how those smiling lips would taste. A bit ashy and very sweet from all the candy Ryuuji consumed...

Yeah. Sure. Ryuuji smoked.

\- I, Nishikikouji Tohri, require one of your cancer sticks.

Torn from his thoughts again, almost thankfull for Tohri's presence, Isa offered him his pack. Tohri grabbed one of the cigaretteswith his perfectly manicured hand and stared at it inquisitively, twirling it around in his fingers.

\- You've done this before?

Isa finally opened his mouth to speak. He actually felt kind of amused now as he brought his lighter to Tohri's face, lighting the cigarette he finally took in his mouth.

\- You suck the air in and inhale. Then breathe out.

With that simple explanation, Isa leaves Tohri to figure out smoking for himself, studying his troubled expression with barely concealed interest. Tohri would pass for a test subject this time, without even knowing and Isa would study an introduction of a new chemical to his system. From Tohri's reactions it was obvious he never even thought of engaging in such vices. After all, he was The Perfect One with his custom-made all organic breakfasts and sulfate-free shampoo that he was always making sure everyone knows he uses.

And to no surprise at all, Tohri almost doubled over, coughing at his first inhale, scrunching his face in disgust, throwing the offending object away.

\- ...And that's supposed to be relaxing?

He managed, when his coughing fit subsided, hair tousled and face a reddish hue, a far cry from always primped and proper man he was. Isa mentally wrote done the results. "A failure, but it was expected. Should try introducing another substances with the same subject". That's... an idea. He can't really use Tohri, though, so maybe he could do it with the new subjects and the medicine they started developing in his division lately... He raised his eyes at Tohri, who was pointedly waiting for a reply this time.

\- They are relaxing. It just takes getting used to.

Isa made it a point not to mention how much he coughed the first couple of times he himself tried smoking.

\- If you want to, I can explain how nicotine interacts with your brain chemistry.

He offered to Tohri, knowing he'll refuse. Maybe he'll finally leave him alone.

\- No. No, I don't want to know. Can I ask you a question though?

Tohri wiped a tear that leaked from all the coughing on his multicolored sleave as he stared at Isa.

\- I don't know. Can you?

Isa deadpanned, throwing a butt of his own cigarette in the trash bin. Those documents can't wait anymore and now that he has plans for a new experiment on his mind, he'll be able to stay distracted from Ryuuji's presence, lingering all over the lab. Maybe he can even request a transfer or even a new lab after he's done. That'll be nice, to be somewhere away from familiar places.

\- You smoke because of him, do you?

Not bothering to even acknowledge the question, Isa started walking towards the building entrance.

\- You loved him so much, you're killing yourself with those things now!

Tohri's voice grew distant as Isa rounded the corner. He's right, of course. But Isa will never tell him that.

Maybe he'll die sooner now. Or not, it doesn't matter as long as he can feel even a little bit closer to Ryuuji by smoking. It's not even like Isa wanted to die, because if he tried to chase Ryuuji, he would do it with something infallible, like poison. No, he thought about death and decided it was too soon. Maybe one day he'll become as great as Ryuuji was and then he'll make him proud. There was that promise he gave him too. Dying was not on his schedule for now, but there was something comforting in smoking besides the familiar smell - the knowledge he was harming himself. Not enough to be obvious now, but a promise for later. All the diseases and horrible things that'll probably going to take his life, but still a chance at living. Just like a game to take his mind off all the despair he felt tearing him up inside.

Just like a game he was fine with losing.


End file.
